Frustrations of Ninja Gaidan proportions
Grand Theft Auto IV. Highest rated game ever. Cultural icon. Piece of shit. Yeah, fucking piece of shit is how I’m feeling about it right now. After a shitty day in which I have to deal with a bunch of fucking retards who can’t do their jobs, all I want to do is come home and relax with a good game. So of course I pop in GTA4 and continue my efforts to beat it. Well those efforts turned into efforts to not throw my controller against the wall. I forget the name of the mission, some three leaf clover bullshit, but the basic idea was me, Packie and the boys load up and rob a bank. I’m fully decked out in armor, have thousands of rounds of ammunition for my assault rifle, and I’m ready to kick some ass. Well, the stupid fuck and his brothers blow the plan to hell, and all of a sudden I have a six star wanted level. “Oh, don’t worry Niko, we’ll just fight our way out,” says the mic bastard. So we start gunning down the streets, with swat and cops and all sorts of bad mother fuckers around every corner. Of course I make it through the 15 minutes or so of shooting before a chopper gets on our asses and we decide to go into the subway to lose it. Well, lucky for me, as soon as we walk into the subway some fucking pig is hiding behind a corner and he blows my face off. Okay, that’s cool, that was just a wasted 20 minutes. I’ll just try again, I know to look out for him now. Well I manage to go through all that bullshit again, even make it through the subway this time. And yay! My wanted level drops to 3 stars on the way out. Things are looking up. Now I just have to drive the fucking retard home. And lucky for me, there’s even a 4-door car near by so i don’t have to catch 50 bullets to the back looking for a new ride. So we all pile in with the cops shooting at us, and I take off. Now this escalade rip-off isn’t the best car to out-run the cops with, but it’s getting the job done. Well, at least it was until the fucking mini-map fucked my ass over and told me to go the wrong way. Now I’m on a highway with no way off for a while and the turn i needed to find is a ways back. No problem, we’ll just drive this piece of shit that’s down to just two tires now all the way across the highway and then find our way back on the city streets. Oh wait, what’s that Packie? “I don’t like fire,” you say. Well I guess it probably is a good idea to get out of the SUV before all the bullets in it cause it to explode. Okay, so now I’m stranded in the middle of a high way with now cars to jack, barely any health, and cops trying to crawl into my dirty eastern-european ass. I’ll just take cover behind this guard-wall and hope to make a run away from the highway or maybe kill enough cops to steal one of their cars. Shit dude, this isn’t really cover, it only looks that way. BLAM! BLAM, BLAM, BLAM! Oh fuck brah, those bullets in my face really fucking hurt. YOU’RE GOD DAMN RIGHT THEY HURT AFTER SPENDING LIKE A FUCKING HALF HOUR ON THIS SHITTY MISSION SO I CAN HELP YOUR STUPID FUCKING MIC FAMILY GET THEIR SHITTY REPUTATION BACK! I’d just love to do this fucking cluster-fuck of a mission again, except for the fact that rockstar thought it’d be cool to have no checkpoints whatsoever. Like i really wanna restart that fucking dirty fucking cock sucker mission for a third time. Now some might say that once I do beat it I’ll just feel like I accomplished that much more. Based on my experiences with ninja gaidan, i might agree with you. But then I think about the fruits of my labor. What does beating this stupid fucking mission do for me. I don’t even think it’s main story line, so nothing there. I doubt I get more than 10 grand, so umm…may as well just spend a night whoring myself in central park. OH, I KNOW WHAT I GET! I GET SOME IRISH BASTARD CALLING ME EVERY FUCKING HOUR ASKING ME IF I WANT TO HANG OUT! Yeah, that’s a great fucking idea rockstar. Let’s put tedious tasks in games and call it fun. Make sure you attach an achievement so you know it’ll eat at completionists if they don’t befriend all the stupid fucks in the game and get them all drunk and give them all rides and make them feel good about themselves. FUCK! This game is so fucking stupid. Maybe I’ll catch a break when ninja gaidan 2 comes out…
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